The whole family was reading in the living room, when Kit asked us, “Why do people chop up plants to give other people?”
“You mean like firewood or more like salad?” His Dad asked him.
Kit looked pensive, “No, the dead bits have flowers on. And then they don’t even eat them; they just stare at them with a soppy smile for a week, and then throw them away.”
“They’re not supposed to be dead,” I explained.
Kit was bemused, “But they’re chopped up!” he exclaimed, “I might only be three and a half, but I know that when you chop things up, they get pretty dead!”
His Dad interjected, “They’re considered a nice romantic gift, Kit.”
“But why do they kill the flowers before they give them to you. You can get pot plants with flowers on! Who wants a bunch of corpses?” He looked to us for answers. Getting none, he continued his rant.
“It’s like…it’s like a killer giving away bits of people as presents. I like you so much, here’s a bunch of thumbs! How is that romantic?!”
“Actually I agree with you, Kit,” I laughed. “I would much rather be given a living plant. Especially a cactus. They’re really cool; I’ll show you one some time.” At this point in time, I don’t believe Kit had ever seen a cactus.
Several months had passed, when one day My Lovely Partner surprised me with….a cactus! I recognise that there are a number of ways for this to occur that would probably not be a Most Enjoyable Experience. Indeed, my own sister was once surprised by a cactus; it left her quite traumatised. However, in this instance it was actually a Rather Pleasant Surprise.
Later that same day, I was sitting admiring my prickly new companion, when Kit came barrelling in. He stopped dead in his tracks and did a double take.
“Yikes!” he squeaked, “That is one Scary-looking Cucumber!”
“It’s a cactus, Kit. Your Dad gave me a cactus,” I explained.
“I think I had a nightmare with one of those in it,” he said.
Approaching cautiously, he asked, “Is it tame?”
“Absolutely,” I assured him, “It’s just a plant. Come and help us choose a name for him.”
So we pondered, and we mused, and we deliberated. There was arguing, and sulking and raising of voices (and that was just the grown-ups). But at length, we agreed on a name befitting this, frankly, absurd-looking plant. A name to honour a great comic and writer, that also suits our scary little cucumber perfectly.
