May 2018 – Meerkat Kit

May 28, 2018

Quote of the Day

“They say Ireland has discovered a cure for pregnancy.” – Meerkat Kit

May 26, 2018February 15, 2021

The Diet

This morning, Kit asked me A Most Unexpected Question.

“Is all our furniture gluten-free?”

“What? Why?” I asked, perplexed.

“Because My [imaginary] Friend, Pammy Pig has coeliac disease. She can’t have gluten in anything,” he explained.

“So, why would it be a problem if there was gluten in, say, our couch?”

He looked at me scathingly.

“I just said she can’t have gluten in anything. It gives her diarrhoea. Furniture is something. So if she sat on our couch, and it had gluten in it, she would get diarrhoea on our couch. Is that what you want? Because if you’re not listening, and there is gluten in it, that’s what will happen!”

“I think you’ll find most furniture is gluten-free, including all of ours. So you can tell Pammy Pig she is welcome to visit.”

“You tell her; she’s right here,” Kit said tetchily.

“And how do I know when one of your imaginary friends is here?” I enquired.

“Well, duh! They’ll say hello to you,” he replied abruptly.

“Ah. I see,” I nodded sagely, not seeing at all, and acutely aware that I am more likely to be greeted by a piece of gluten-free furniture than one of Kit’s imaginary friends.

“It was a bit rude that you ignored her when she said hello just now,” he added.

“Sorry, Pammy. Hello.”

“And is all our white-ware fat-free? Especially the fridge. Pammy likes to keep her fridge fat-free. She says it is ‘…a perilous assault on my will-power to do otherwise.’”

At this point, I surrendered to the absurdity, and assured him that it was. Kit explained that Pammy’s diet was also low fat, and he relayed to me a conversation that he had had with her that very morning. It went something like this:

Pammy: I really want to lose weight.

Kit: What size do you wear now?

Pammy: A ten….ish.

Kit: Well, that’s ok. How big is the ish?

Pammy: It’s thriving, unfortunately. Gets bigger every year.

Kit: And what size would you like to be?

Pammy: Well…I would like to lose the ‘ish.’

Then Kit decided to have a joke with her to cheer her up.

So he said, “The best diet is when you cook the food, admire the food, photograph the food, post the pics on social media, and then throw the food away! You never eat the food because you’re already full…of yourself!”

Seeking a general apology for that comment, I said, “Hey! I post food pictures on Facebook.”

“Well, you can shove them up Where the Thermometer Goes!” said Kit.

It seems an apology is as likely as a greeting from his imaginary friend!

May 24, 2018

Quote of the Day

“If you wear tight shoes, you will get bunyips.” – Meerkat Kit

http://www.australianhistory.org/bunyips.php

May 23, 2018

Quote of the Day

May 20, 2018February 15, 2021

Blame it on the Boogie

My Partner and I recently took Kit to his first music concert. It was held at Edith Cowan University, and Kit went around boasting to any person who would listen (and even a few who wouldn’t), that His Dad got tickets from the Illuminati Association. Or was that the Aluminium Association? Anyway, it was a very long and impressive word, and Kit was very proud indeed that he had almost learned it!

The concert consisted of a number of different bands playing covers. Kit chatted excitedly, giving a Very Amusing Commentary, much like I don’t during movies (according to My Partner).

When they played Blame it on the Boogie, Kit sang along enthusiastically. Except that he didn’t sing, “Blame it on the boogie.” In Kit’s universe, the song consisted of screeching, “Blame it on the booger,” while thrusting one claw up his nostril. Once we cleared that up, he stopped picking his nose and had a good old boogie.

Personally, I have other issues with this particular song. I have always thought that Michael Jackson singing, “I just can’t control my feet,” was a bit disingenuous. Frankly, if the man who invented the moonwalk felt he had lost control of his extremities, where did that leave the rest of us on the dance floor? Kit thinks that when I dance, people are less likely to call me a good dancer than they are to call me an ambulance!

Later, a brass band came on stage. Suddenly, Kit’s muffled voice came from halfway up my trouser-leg (out the bottom of which his rear end was still poking), “Why don’t they keep that Yellephant in an enclosure?!”

After some intensive probing (of the questioning, not abducted-by-aliens style), it became apparent that, when I had read him the story, “Horton the Elephant,” he thought I was saying, “Horton Th’ Yellephant.” Moreover, we once took him to the zoo, where he saw Putramas, the elephant, trumpeting loudly. He thought that they were called ‘yellephants’ because of all their loud vocalising!

As a result, when Kit looked at the stage, he saw not a saxophonist playing a solo, but a Yellephant with a trunk, thrashing around on stage, menacingly stomping its feet (albeit in time to the music), and bellowing like a train at a signal crossing. He was terribly concerned that we were about to be caught in a Brass Band Stampede.

I assured Kit of the safety of his person, and pointed out the emergency evacuation route (just in case I was wrong). He then settled back happily to enjoy the rest of the concert, secure in the knowledge that the beast on stage was not a Fierce Yellephant, but in fact a human with a gigantic brass nose adornment.

May 16, 2018