The latest season of The Bachelor involved Nick Cummins aka The Honey Badger, seeking the love of his life in a group of twenty-something young camera enthusiasts. If you are not familiar with the show, I must explain that Nick had not carelessly lost the love of his life, and then forgotten what she looked like. The show is based on the implausible premise that if you introduce a desperate single to a mansion full of desperate singles of the opposite sex, the love of their life is bound to be in there somewhere!
I only know all this because Kit begged to watch the show. I had wondered why he was so keen to follow this wine-swilling, arse-bearing snogging circus, until he asked, “How did they find so many ladies to go out with a honey badger?”
Kit has studied honey badgers, and he has learned that they will eat pretty much anything with a central nervous system. Any system, central or otherwise, has a right to be nervous around a honey badger. As far as Kit is concerned, they would probably eat their own grandmother. Feet first.
“Aren’t they afraid he will kill them and eat them?” Kit asked earnestly.
I laughed and explained, “They call him Honey Badger because he is a fearless rugby player. He’s not a real honey badger.”
Kit exhaled, “I thought it might be because he was a cannibal. So, I suppose I don’t need to worry about how to get into The Haram…”
“Mansion,” I corrected.
“…to warn the contestants,” he finished.
During a screening of one of the compulsory cocktail parties, Kit asked me, “Why don’t they like wearing clothes? Couldn’t the producers afford much?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, baffled, “It appears to me that they love clothes. They’re wearing all the latest glamorous fashions.”
“But their dresses don’t cover much,” he clarified, “And I don’t think the weather could be that warm every day. Clothes that don’t have a lot of fabric in them should be cheaper than ones that cover you up properly to keep warm. If you took all the nude bits from each lady, and put them together, you could make a whole new lady completely nude.”
“Yes,” I agreed, and wondered if, perhaps we should be watching The Wiggles.
In an unusual twist in the final episode, this week, the Honey Badger, declined to select a mate, and left alone. Kit said that he was not surprised because, really, how likely are you to find the love of your life from a group of twenty people?
“After all, Mum,” he added, “You dated hundreds of guys before you met Dad.”
Thanks, Kit. Be sure to tell your father that!