Kit enjoys being part of an interspecies family. (If you value the skin on your ankles, don’t ever call him a pet!) It enables him to feel superior due to all the skills he possesses that humans don’t. Like digging holes, and…..digging other holes in different places. He considers us disabled because we require tools to achieve this. I consider him a tool (for digging holes, you understand; who needs a trowel when they have a meerkat?)
Our opposable thumbs are something Kit is not remotely jealous of, explaining that they would only get in the way of digging a good hole. I said that they are useful for holding a pen. Kit said he prefers to use my laptop anyway. (How else could he read alarming misinformation on the web, and get the wrong end of the stick about virtually everything?)
Kit’s comprehension is much better than his writing. He says that this is because comprehension does not require his paws, which are tiny, only his brain, which is enormous! To illustrate how much more intelligent he is than me, he requested that I share the following story (something he would never have been stupid enough to do):
“One grocery shopping day, Mum couldn’t find any paper to write her shopping list on. Most people would use their smartphone, but she’s like, a hundred and twelve, so she doesn’t have one.”
“Excuse me?!” I interjected.
“In meerkat years,” he added hurriedly, and continued, “So, she tore the label off a tin of lentils and wrote on the back of it. She’s done it a few times since, so now we often eat tinned ‘surprise’ for dinner. It could be peaches. It could be baked beans. I made up this game where you shake the tin and guess what’s in it. Then she has to open it, and make dinner out of it. If you get it right, you have to eat it! Actually, even if you get it wrong, she still makes you eat it. The worst dinner was brown lentils and peaches.”
Kit neglected to mention that this only happened once, and I have since started writing on the tin in permanent marker if I feel the need to pinch the label. He is lying about the lentils and peaches. Kit says I am spoiling the story. So I’ll end there before I ruin it completely!